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| Writer 1: | We've had to put her in white dresses, |
| Writer 3: | Gilded heart and glowing tresses, |
| Writer 2: | The sordid thing I must confess is... |
| All: | We hate America's Sweetheart! |
| Writer 3: | Perfect
skin Of alabaster, Cherry lips And soul of plaster, I'd like to kill The jerk that cast her! |
| All: | We hate America's Sweetheart! |
| Writer 1: | Each
time she saves an orphaned lass I barely hold my lunch, She's so damn nice they'd kick her ass On the Brady Bunch |
| All: | This
treacle's played By Miss Pricilla-- Acting range Of a gorilla-- Her favorite flavor? |
| Writer1 (Spoken): | Yup, Vanilla! |
| All: | We hate America's Sweetheart! |
| Writer 2: | Now
we've nowhere left to go No new concepts for the show Unless I'm much mistaken, Slobs, We've written ourselves out of jobs! |
| All: | She's
done every Cloying story She loves all creatures A priori This is writer's Purgatory! |
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We hate America's Sweetheart! We hate America's Sweetheart! |
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| Actress: | This prime-time star just keeps ascending! |
| Writer 1: | We've finally found a happy ending! |
| Writer 2: | Unemployment's not impending! |
| Writer 3: | The Emmy shows I'll be attending! |
| Producer: |
This new look We've saved the show |
| Ensemble: | We love America's
new Man-eating Earthquaking Blackmailing Tree-shaking Back-stabbing Ball-breaking Sweetheart! |
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All words and music conceived and developed in the New Tuners Workshop, Chicago, IL. |
| ©1995 Squeaky Toy Music |
Lyrics by Adam Steinberg |