My phone bill’s on my Visa and I’m sure I’ve hit the max

My Visa’s on my Mastercard, and so’s my income tax

Paid the whole thing off with Paypal to improve my credit scores

But my telephone keeps ringing so I’ve had to move outdoors

 

I Discovered my electric bill and Diner’s Clubbed my rent

I broke into my piggy bank, but that had all been spent

I hocked my stocks on eBay, but alas, I must confess

That I don’t know what to do with my American Express

 

REFRAIN

American Express, American Excess

American Express, American Excess

​

I’ve ATM’ed my checking and withdrawn my IRA

Extended all my college loans with my 401(k)

My bonds went toward my mortgage, and I pawned my penny jar

I sold my gas and tires to make the payment on my car

 

There’s a rock, and there’s a hard place, and I’m caught somewhere between

Someone grabbed my big fat assets, now they’re nowhere to be seen

I’m worried they’ll revoke my frequent flier miles unless

I figure what to do with my American Express

​

   -refrain-

​

I’d add up what I owe you, but I’m under some duress

‘Cause I don’t know what to do with my American Express

 

   -refrain-

 

Tried to pay it all with Bitcoin, with diminishing success

And I don’t know what to do with my American Express

​

There’s banging on my door but who it is I couldn’t guess

And I don’t know what to do with my American Express

​

I’m hiding in the attic in a lampshade and a dress:

(‘Cause) No-one gets their hands on my American Express

 

   -refrain-