Old-time, black-and-white art photo of naked woman
Whole New Ball Game Now

A young boy, Eugene, has just been handed a picture of a naked lady by his brother—the first he’s ever seen. His mother calls the boys for dinner, and his brother exits. Eugene hollers, “Just a minute! Just a minute...” then sings:

 

EUGENE:  Just a minute or two ago,

I was still a child, I know,

Fighting tooth and nail with puberty...

 

I was foolish, I was green,

I was at that age between,

When one wanders as bewildered as can be...

 

But...at my advancing age,

I have turned a sudden page,

And I’ve come to know what I could never see.

 

Life is colorful and new,

Now I’ve had a sample view,

Of the wonders that it has in store for me!

 

Excuse me, brother, my head is spinnin’,

I can’t get rid of this grin I’m grinnin’,

Oh, what a childlike state I’ve been in...

It’s a whole new ball game now!

 

My eyes as big as the kitchen sink,

My throat is dry, I’m afraid to blink,

Now what would A.J. Cronin think?

It’s a whole new ball game now!

 

Holy smoke! How dark and dull and dim the day was,

‘Till I awoke to the golden palace of the Himalayas!

 

If ignorance is bliss...

Then someone tell me, what is this?

 

My head is spinnin’ like a big tornado,

My heart is burstin’ like a hand grenade, oh

Nora, dear, you’re a small potato!

 

(His mother calls him again, angrily, as his lima beans are getting cold.)

 

Lima beans? Oh, wow!

‘Cause it’s a whole new ball game now!

 

©1994 Deborah Abramson and Adam Steinberg

Exercise: Song for Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon

Music: Deborah Abramson

New Tuners Workshop, Chicago, Illinois